You are here: Home / Archives for Parenting

Prepare For the Best – Building Optimism in Your Children

16/12/2008 by

By Sheila Gregoire

Pessimism and optimism are character traits that our children are born with. But that doesn't mean that we have to accept them! Steering our children towards optimism helps them embrace life better.

Last summer, for instance, my family took a trip to an orphanage in Kenya. Before leaving, we were all required to get several shots. Being a parent who believes in full disclosure, I told my kids when I made the appointment. Big mistake. Rebecca, my older daughter, took it in stride. Katie, my younger one, didn't sleep for a week. Rebecca laughed at her mercilessly.

Then came the big day. Katie went first, and she didn't even flinch. She said, at the end of it all, "that wasn't that bad." And Rebecca? We had to peel her off the ceiling.

Optimistic Kids vs. Pessimistic Kids

Afterward, I asked both of them which was better: to worry incessantly about something that may turn out badly, or to not worry at all, and then be surprised when life kicks you in the teeth? In other words, would you rather be a pessimist or an optimist? Would you rathe trust and have faith, or would you rather worry? Pessimism believes in preparing for the worst, just like my youngest daughter did. She cried, she worried, she visualized, she whined. That way, she said, there was no way it could possibly be as bad as she imagined.

Preparing for the Best is more Fun

Optimism, on the other hand, is embodied in my Rebecca who, as a firstborn, thinks she's invincible. Nothing bad is really going to happen, so when it does, boy is she surprised. She may not handle it as well as Katie, but she still emerges on the other side. I tend towards the Katie side of life myself, but in watching Rebecca, I really believe life would be a lot more fun if we all prepared for the best, rather than the worst.

Pessimistic Children Lose Out on Life

That doesn't mean we should all be carefree; just that if we're so focused on the bad that may happen, we may miss out on the good. And we're far less likely to try new things or take those big leaps because something-we're never sure quite what-may be lurking just around the corner. So we live a safe life. A comfortable life. But not a very big life.

Pessimistic Children are Risk-Averse

An aversion to risk is closely related to pessimism. My Katie, as talented as she is, won't take dance lessons, though she dances around the house. She might not like it, you see. She didn't volunteer to do a solo in the Christmas play, though after watching all her friends do it, she remarked she could have, after all. And the piano competition we entered them in this year? She dreaded it, until it came time for her to play. As we were leaving, she said, "that was actually kind of fun. Can I do it again?" After listening to her whine about it for two weeks, I almost strangled her. Those kids who have a "prepare for the worst" personality need to be pushed to try new things. But once they do try these things, and the sky doesn't fall, they're more likely to do it again.

Create Opportunities to Kick-Start Optimism

Require your pessimistic child to do at least one new thing every season. For Katie it has meant certain sports and certain competitions, but in your family it may be something else. Support them through it, encourage them, pray with them, and even quit if it becomes too much. But make the effort. The more a pessimistic child is stretched, and finds out that the world actually is fun, the more optimism can grow.

Pessimism is not a fixed personality trait. Continue to nudge your little one towards new adventures, and encourage them to aim for the sky. You just may wake up one morning to hear your child say, "I just can't wait!". And that's a moment I'm looking forward to as well!

Sheila Wray Gregoire is the author of four books specializing in marriage and household organization! To encourage responsibility in your children, get your FREE household organization charts, including kids' chore sheets, family organization checklists, household planners, and more!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sheila_Gregoire
http://EzineArticles.com/?Prepare-For-the-Best---Building-Optimism-in-Your-Children&id=1785860

Filed Under: Articles · Tagged With: Christian parenting, optimistic children, Parenting, pessimism, pessimistic, whining, young children

Parenting – 5 Things You Can Do This Christmas to Keep Your Sanity

16/12/2008 by

By Linda Hancock

Christmas can be a busy and stressful time for individuals. Children become extremely excited as their expectations increase and their parents often become more and more tired as the demands of the season increase.

There are five specific things you can do to enjoy this Christmas even more than you might have in the past:

1. Get enough sleep - I tell my clients that I am just like a baby. If I don't eat or sleep - I cry. Sleep is important for children and their parents. Maintaining a regular schedule that includes appropriate bedtimes will help everyone to enjoy the season with a good perspective and a relaxed attitude.

2. Don't overdo the "food" thing - Having everyone complain about how much they overate is not necessarily a sign of "success". There isn't any point in spending hours and hours in preparation time only to see that the meal is over in a matter of minutes. Rather than being the only one to prepare the food, ask family members to contribute by bringing a salad or desert. Involve your children in the preparation so they will learn to cook and appreciate the effort involved.

3. Purchase appropriate gifts - It is better to buy a board game that will be played over and over again through the year than a toy that requires a great deal of room, several batteries or an adult for supervision. Think about the gifts that you enjoyed in your youth. Books, hockey sticks or brightly coloured scarves and mitts are always safe choices for any age. (And remember, overdoing it doesn't help your credit card or your reputation).

4. Honour traditions - Try to do at least one thing every single Christmas that your family will remember as a tradition. Attend a candlelight church service, tell a story from your childhood, snap firecrackers before the meal, go skating together, sing carols or visit a hospital ward. My sister always insisted that we watch "Lampoons Christmas Vacation" together on Christmas Day. It got to the point that we knew the show so well that we could actually say the words with the actors.

5. Enjoy yourself - Christmas should be a time of peace and fellowship. Visit with relatives, enjoy a nap in the afternoon, go for a walk, call a friend who lives in another area, read a good book. And don't forget to give to others. Give your time, your personality and your love.

May this be the best Christmas ever! One that you and your children will remember for years to come.

Dr. Linda Hancock is a Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker who has a private practice in Medicine Hat. She can be reached at 403-529-6877 or through email linda@drlindahancock.com

You are also invited to visit http://www.lindahancockspeaks.com to receive a complimentary copy of "10 Steps to Making Your Life an Adventure".

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Hancock
http://EzineArticles.com/?Parenting---5-Things-You-Can-Do-This-Christmas-to-Keep-Your-Sanity&id=1784847

Filed Under: Articles · Tagged With: child, Christmas, holdiay, Parenting, routine

What I've Learned in Two Weeks of Motherhood

14/12/2008 by

By Andrea Guzman

Okay so it has been over two weeks since my baby was born and I can hardly believe it! Nothing in my life has ever single-handedly turned my life upside down, but in a good way! The positive thing is that at 37 years of age, I feel like I really knew what I was getting myself into, and that I am truly ready for it. All my friends kept telling me, "You'll never be able to go to the gym again, you'll hardly be able to go to the bathroom or take a shower. You'll see, you'll see." They went on and on about this for months. I was so sick of it.

Bottom line is yes, compared to others, I have a great baby because she is so easy going! But I am finding that it is all about time management, and how you approach motherhood. Again, I don't think that there is a right or wrong when it comes to being a mother, but my slogan; "Take care of you first, and your baby will be happy", still stands. I have learned a lot in two weeks, and I will continue to share everything in my blog, in hopes that it might help someone else. So this is what I've learned so far.

1) The first week was a little bit tough. I definitely got that thing they call the "baby blues." By the way, this is is not to be confused with post partum depression. For me, just the emotional hype about having a baby was a lot to handle, and then I kind of crashed. I can't really explain it but it kind of feels like; "Is this it, this is it? Is this really happening to me, do I really have a baby?" You feel kind of down, not really sad, just down and you just know you aren't yourself. I guess it would be comparable to PMS. That is how it happened to me anyways. So what did I do? I treated it like any other time you get depressed or down in your life, I revisited my coping skills, and took better care of myself. I got my mom to come over to take care of the baby, and I went out and got a pedicure. I went to the gym and although I could only walk on the treadmill, it helped me release some stress. Also, I called my girlfriends who are also mothers for support. This really helped.

2) Your baby is going to cry, and sometimes you won't know why. This is kind of a hard concept to grasp because you want to be there for her every need, and be able to help her. What I did during the first couple of weeks is remind myself that I am just learning. I am a first time mom, I don't know everything. So I just went down the following list of reasons why I thought she was crying; Is she hungry? Does her diaper need to be changed? Is she trying to go to the bathroom or is she farting, and thus her stomach is upset? Does she need to be burped? Does she need to be held? Is she tired? Do I need to swaddle her? Is she too hot or too cold?

3) Then, I did the following in no particular order, to attempt to stop her crying; breastfeed her, burp her, lay her in my lap and bounce her lightly, change her diaper, put on my Baby Einstein: Lullaby Classics Cd, play some "white noise", change the way I am holding her, swaddle her tightly, walk around with her swaying her back and forth, put her in her swing, lay her down on her changing table under her mobile, make "shushing" sounds in her ear, give her my finger to suck on, and when that all fails-HAND HER TO HER FATHER-ha ha ha.

4) I also learned that my relationship with my husband has changed. It isn't all about "us" anymore. We talk about the baby ALL the time, so what we talk about has changed. We are doing different things that are centered around the baby like shopping at Target. But I think that the biggest thing that has changed has been our physical intimacy. Because of my C-section, or any vaginal birth from what I hear, I can't have sex for like 6 weeks. That has really been difficult because I miss being physically intimate with him. In addition, we are co-sleeping with the baby, so that actually puts physical distance between us in bed as well. But I am surviving, and I know that this is just temporary so I press on!

5) How to manage my time. Again, as I am learning, having a newborn is ALL about time management. Some people think you can't multi-task; like hold your baby and send an email, but you can! Also, I can't really nap during the day, but I know that when my baby naps, it is my chance to nap if I need it. Also, you can still iron your clothes or do the laundry. I just put the baby in her swing or car seat, and put her right next to me while I am doing house work. Will she cry and fuss? Yes. The thing I learned is that a 10 minute task will now take you 20 minutes with your baby. You have to just accept it.

Andrea Guzman, LMFT

Please check out http://www.mommie2be.com for more blogs regarding motherhood and pregnancy.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Andrea_Guzman
http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Ive-Learned-in-Two-Weeks-of-Motherhood&id=1751460

Filed Under: Articles · Tagged With: baby, breastfeed, infant, mom, Motherhood, Parenting, postnatal exercise, swaddling, time management

Being a New Mother – How to Cope When You Are Exhausted and Depressed

14/12/2008 by

By Liz Benson

Mothers, especially a new one, experience great joy when they cradle their newborn babies in their arms. No matter how painful the delivery process was and how tired she may be, a mother immediately yearns to bond with her baby and looks forward to the experience of motherhood.

Unfortunately, in many instances, the trip back from the hospital with the baby can also be the beginning of a nightmare for a new mother. When previously her thought of motherhood is centered on taking care of a cute and smiley little one, now, she may feel that she is being saddled with an 'uncontrollable' baby. Exhaustion and lack of sleep coupled with a fussy baby can easily trigger such a switch in emotions.

Sometimes, the problem is also compounded by the lack of help from the spouse, especially when he is not always home due to work commitments, resulting in the mother having to shoulder the burden of childcare on her own. This caused resentment to build up and together with the exhaustion, they become a potent combination for quarrels to take place. The downhill slide into further unhappiness and depression is but a step away in such a scenario.

If you are one of those mothers who is feeling this way, there are a few things that you can do to make the experience of motherhood more fulfilling.

1. Take the Initiative to Learn If you have a fussy baby and are at a loss on how to handle the situation, be proactive and search for solutions. For example, many babies like to be rocked to sleep and the moment you put them down in their cot, they will start crying incessantly. Take a step back and do not be consumed by anger or sadness. Instead look for the reason behind the problem and find out whether there are solutions that could possibly work for your baby. Talk to other parents and check if they have encountered the same problem before. Alternatively, the internet is a rich source of information and there are many websites that offer valuable advice on a wide range of issues when it comes to baby care. If you take the initiative to learn, you will have a better idea of what to expect and what you can do to cope, thus, lessening unnecessary pressure on yourself.

2. Be Flexible - We are all creatures of habit and sometimes, this may not necessarily be a good thing. For instance, you may have a list of chores that you need to do each morning but are now finding it difficult to squeeze in all of the tasks before your baby wakes up for the day. If that is the case, redo your list and move your chores around. There is no fixed rule to say that you have to do the laundry at a particular time of the day, is there? Similarly, if you have not vacuumed the floor for the third day in a row, so be it. If you are tired, get yourself some rest when your baby nods off and leave the not-so-urgent chores for another time. Try to be flexible and organize yourself around your baby's schedule.

3. Communicate with your Spouse We all know that communication is a vital ingredient in any relationship. But it is also something that is very easily overlooked, especially when a baby arrives, as our time and attention are now fully diverted towards the baby, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else. Therefore, you have to make time to talk to your spouse and tell him your feelings and difficulties, if any. Encourage him to be more involved in taking care of the baby and more importantly, learn to let go and let him take charge if he is willing.

4. Look at the Bright Side - If you are at the bottom now, then tell yourself that the only way to go is up. Be positive because the difficult moments do not last. After all, your baby will grow and all the problems that you are facing now will most probably not be there within months or even weeks. For example, if you are forced to wake up every two hours each night now to feed your baby, remind yourself that you will probably be waking up only once a night or even not at all, in another two or three months' time. The difficulties will disappear as time passes and before you know it, your child would have left babyhood behind to graduate into a toddler.

Yes, being a mother is not easy, what more if you are new to the task. But whatever negative feelings you may have, learn to put them aside. Do not dwell on them. Instead concentrate on bringing up your baby to the best of your ability by adopting the few suggestions above and/or whatever means that may be helpful. If you learn to enjoy your baby, you will find motherhood a much more pleasant and fulfilling experience.

Visit http://babycrib-toddlerbed.com for transition tips as well as baby crib and toddler bed buying guide. Also read about my nightmare of sleepness nights with my baby, which is a very common experience among parents and how I solved my baby's sleeping problems.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Liz_Benson
http://EzineArticles.com/?Being-a-New-Mother---How-to-Cope-When-You-Are-Exhausted-and-Depressed&id=1305258

Filed Under: Articles · Tagged With: baby, depression, exhaustion, Motherhood, new mother, Parenting