Anger in Children: When is it a Problem?
Anger is a normal emotion that every happy healthy adult and child has to deal with from time to time. When does expressing anger become a problem? Children go through different stages with their age that affect the way they deal with anger. Anger is usually not a root emotion, but a term that may cover feelings ranging from embarrassment, frustration, loneliness to guilt. A newborn baby expresses their "anger" or frustration over being hungry, tired or uncomfortable by screaming and crying. A two-year-old may throw tantrums that include rolling around on the floor or trying to hit the parent, sibling or even their pet. As a child gets older, hopefully proper responses to anger have been modeled for them and they can learn to express their anger more appropriately.
Anger becomes a problem when it causes negative, aggressive behavior, gets out of control and when the root cause of the problem isn't being dealt with. For instance, often children with undiagnosed learning disabilities will have frequent angry outbursts. They may be feeling frustrated because they are struggling to learn and it may feel like the world is closing in on them when parents or teachers suggest that they aren't trying hard enough or doing their best. Because the child isn't able to deal with the real issue, they become angry over small incidents that would normally be insignificant. This helps them to avoid feeling "stupid" or incapable. Once the problem is discovered and the child gets the help, support and proper discipline that is needed, the angry outbursts become less frequent or disappear altogether.
It is important that children learn how to express their emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. A child should never be told that their feelings are wrong, though they may need reminding if their behavior is wrong. For instance you might say, "Johnny, I understand that you are angry about your brother breaking your toy, that wasn't fair, but it is not okay to hit when you are angry." The child needs to know that his feelings are validated and should also be given some ideas about how to handle the situation better the next time they are in a similar position.
Anger is a normal emotion for people of all ages, including children. Good communication and modeling good behavior are two of the best ways to help children learn to deal with anger. Taking the time to praise your child whenever he or she does anything that is positive can also help them understand what it expected and feel good about doing what is right. Take the time to check yourself to see if you spend too much time being negative or angry and find ways to be more positive. If the parents in the home aren't dealing with anger appropriately, they can't expect the child to. Be willing to admit when you are wrong and apologize to your child, teaching them to do the same. If you suspect that your child has a serious anger problem, it may be time to get some additional help and guidance.
Author Bio: Ray Subs is a public relations consultant working to promote the Help Your Child with Anger Blog. For more information about dealing with anger management in children visit the blog.
Child Adoption
There are varying laws and jurisdictions regarding adoption. A closed adoption prevents contact between the biological parents and the adopted person. An open adoption allows varying degrees of contact however, they are not legally enforceable and may be closed at any time.
If a child's parents are no longer able to adequately care for them or single motherhood is considered unacceptable, as is the case in some countries, then plans for adoption are made. Children are also abandoned near an orphanage in order to be adopted. Some parents involuntarily lose their rights because of child abuse or neglect due to alcohol or drug abuse. The child is then placed in foster care. If the parents cannot resolve the problems, their parental rights may be terminated by the court and the children may be adopted. Death of the parents accounts for only a small percentage of orphaned adoptions.
For neglected of abused children, adoption can ensure an opportunity to bond with a new family. In the past, these children were kept in foster care while the birthparents resolved their issues with addiction, domestic violence, or mental illness. The Safe Families Act of 1997 is a law that prevents children from drifting from one foster home to another.
When applying to adopt, the potential parents may be required to be interviewed and undergo financial, medical, and criminal record checks. This can be carried out by either the adoption agency or by an independent or state authority.
Many parents look to adopt infants more often than toddlers or older children. They also seek children of the same race. So agencies, as a result, seek families who are interested in older children and those with special needs.
The cost to adopt varies between countries. Adoption charges are illegal in some countries while in others, the adoption must be paid on a non-profit basis. Financial assistance is offered by many adoption programs. International adoptions include additional costs such as travel expenses and legal document translation fees.
However, the increase in legalized abortions and single parenthood has reduced the number of available children for adoption in the Western nations.
Many parents and adopted people have the desire to reunite. This has led to the opening of sealed records in countries where adoption is confidential. For example, in the US, organizations such as the Adoption Reunion Registry allows adopted children to access their sealed records.
There are variations in the traditional adoption methods. In Arab cultures, an adopted child is considered a ward of the household. The child does not receive the adopting parent's family name.
In Korea, adoption takes place when another family member gives a male child to the first-born male heir of the family. In Asian societies, traditional Western adoptions occurring outside the family are rare. However, in Africa, the regular exchange of children among families is common. This form of adoption is meant to create an enduring social structure among families and lineages.
Michael Russell
Your Independent guide to Adoption
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Adoption and the Workplace
Barb and Maxine work for a large corporation whose profit for the last quarter was $400 million. Both women are new moms, currently at home caring for their children. Barb will be at home for 52 weeks and will receive 85% of her regular salary. Maxine, on the other hand, is able to stay home for only 35 weeks during which she receives 55% of her usual salary. What's the difference? Barb is a biological mother; Maxine is an adoptive mother.
Both the Federal Government and the employer are treating these women differently, based on the way they have chosen to build their families. Their employer, like many organizations, "tops up" the payments received from Employment Insurance so that employees receive full (or near full) salaries while they are off work. In Maxine's case, however, their employer does not extend the benefit to adoptive parents.
The Federal Government pays Employment Insurance (EI) benefits to provide financial assistance to new parents (currently 55% of average insurable earnings to a maximum of $413 / week). Maternity benefits are payable to biological mothers for a maximum of 15 weeks. Parental benefits are payable to parents (biological or adoptive) for a maximum of 35 weeks. Thus biological parents are eligible for 50 weeks of employment insurance while adoptive parents hit the maximum at only 35 weeks. One adoptive parent is mounting a Charter of Rights challenge on this very issue in the E.I. Legislation.
Biological parents are provided with EI benefits over a one- year period comprised of:
a) 2 week disqualification period (i.e. no EI payments) and
b) 15 weeks of maternity benefits; and
c) 35 weeks of parental benefits
Total: 52 weeks
Many employers also pay top-up wage compensation to their employees for the two-week E.I. disqualification period by topping up their wage to between 85% and 100% of their normal salary (i.e. the employer pays all of this benefit during the first two weeks). For the next 15 weeks, the top-up reduces by the amount of the E.I. maternity benefits (described above). Some employers also top-up the employees' salary for the full 35 weeks of parental benefits as well.
As a result of complaints we received about how adopting parents were treated in the workplace, Sunrise conducted a limited and informal poll of its clients to see how widespread the differential treatment of adoptive and biological parents by employers is, and we were stunned by the responses. Many of our clients reported situations in which a biological parent receives top up payments, while an adoptive parent is refused. Here are some examples of what we heard:
Government of British Columbia: The B.C. Provincial Government is one of least discriminatory employers we heard about. It offers a top-up to both biological and adoptive parents (to its unionized and non-unionized employees.) It also offers adoptive parents a " Pre-Placement Adoptive Leave." This leave allows adoptive parents to attend pre-placement visits for their homestudy or to complete legal requirements for the adoption while collecting 85% of their regular salary.
Government of Canada: A federal civil servant, who is an adoptive parent, received 93% of her wage by top-up for 37 weeks. The real irony is that the Federal Government treats its adoptive parent employees better than most employers do, but discriminates against all adoptive parents with its EI policy!
Police: The RCMP (a federal government employer) offers both adopting and biological parents the top-up for 37 weeks. Other police forces in British Columbia (Municipal forces) generally do not pay the top-up to adoptive parents. (The municipal public force in Saanich, B.C., however, does pay the top-up for 37 weeks).
Municipalities: One adopting parent reported that the Municipality she worked for finally gave her the top-up right after she filed a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.
Hospitals: Regional Health Districts are the employer for nurses in British Columbia. One adoptive parent reported that in his hospital, biological parents receive a top-up on the EI Maternity Benefit only. No one receives a top-up on the Parental Benefit. Since adoptive parents don't qualify for maternity benefits, they don't receive any top-up at all.
Universities: Universities do not seem to take a consistent approach in how they treat their employee parents. Adopting parents employed by universities told us about a wide variety of benefits payable to adopting parents. Often these were inconsistent, unusual, and at times discriminatory.
At the University of British Columbia, adopting parents get topped-up for 12 weeks, while biological mothers receive 20 weeks. At the University of Toronto, adopting parents receive 27 weeks of top-up, and biological mothers receive 3 weeks more. At Capilano College, parents on parental leave are topped-up to 80% of salary, and for parents on maternity leave to 90% of salary.
Professors at Simon Fraser University are the only employees we found who were treated absolutely identically whether they were biological or adoptive parents. To do this, the maternity benefits not paid to adoptive parents by EI are covered by the university. Kudos to SFU!
Schools: We heard from many teachers across the province. School Districts in British Columbia bargain separately with the teachers' union (BCTF). As a result, adopting parents (who are also teachers) receive different benefits depending on where they work. For example, Surrey Teachers do receive the top-up of 95% of salary for the first 2 weeks, 70% for next 15 weeks and zero for the balance of parental leave. North Vancouver District teachers receive 95% for the first 2 weeks, but then 70% for only the next 10 weeks (while biological mothers receive it for the next 15 weeks). Most other school districts do not pay top-ups at all to teachers. There is no rational basis for treating teachers, who choose to create their families by adoption, differently. One parent was told that top-ups are not paid to adopting parents because the school district follows "Government of Canada rulings". This doesn't accord with our findings; all federal government departments that we heard from do top up adopting parents.
One adopting parent employed by the Coquitlam School Board was recently refused the top-up. When she told her employer that she was filing a complaint with the Human Rights Commission, she immediately received a top-up.
Falling Between the Cracks
Some adopting parents are in a catch-22 situation and the problem may not be resolved until a parent takes action. We heard from several British Columbia parents who reported that employers dodge responsibility by saying it is up to the union to ask for benefits through the collective bargaining process.
One city police department we heard from only offers the top-up to biological parents. A Port Moody police officer said, "I am a union member and was entitled to nothing under the collective agreement. However, we were in the middle of negotiating a new one, and I asked for a provision to be added. I was unsuccessful".
Pursuant to Labour Relations legislation, unions are required to represent minority interests (like those of adopting parents). Failure to do so can lead to a complaint with the Labour Relations Board. Exercising that legal right against your Union, however, can be a scary prospect.
Another adoptive parent reported:
"I wasn't sure if there are many others in the same boat as myself, and considering the extremely daunting task of applying for change in our organization (my employer is Vancouver Coastal Health), I have not bothered to try. I would have to put forth a motion to the union (membership = 40,000) and the union would then vote on whether or not to pursue this issue with the Health Authority and ultimately the Government. Another union colleague who adopted several years ago felt the same as I do now."
Many adopting parents had similar experiences when they approached their union. They were told that nothing could be done. Studies in the USA show that less than 1% of eligible employees receive adoption employment benefits. No wonder adoptive parents can feel lost in big unions!
What Can Be Done?
In a landmark 2002 study, 94% of respondents stated that adopting parents should receive the same benefits in the workplace as biological parents4. It is clear our society feels overwhelmingly that adopting and biological parents should be treated equally.
This doesn't seem right. Large government employers (such as hospitals, health districts, municipalities and school boards) should not justify continuing to discriminate by claiming that the unions need to ask for it. They should take responsibility and end the discriminatory treatment.
Employers should treat parents equally, whether they give birth or adopt. If an employer pays an E.I. top-up to a biological parent, then the same compensation should be paid to an adopting parent. To not do so is discrimination.
The need for change is apparent and many parents expressed an interest in making that change happen. Unless adopting parents object, this discrimination will not end. One possibility is to file a complaint with the BC Human Rights Tribunal. The most effective solution may be for adoptive parents to lobby their MLAs and MPs for legislative change. How about a law that simply says adopting parents and biological parents must be treated the same in any workplace. (After all 94% of society already thinks this is what should happen)
Talk to your employer and/or your union officials. If your organization tops up biological parents, insist that they treat adoptive parents equally.
Douglas Chalke has been actively involved in adoption for the past twenty-three years. A practising lawyer, he has lectured and written on issues in adoption and for many years was actively involved in proposals for adoption reform. Mr. Chalke has developed standards of practice in adoption and is widely known as a leader in the adoption field. Mr. Chalke has provided advice and counselling to birth mothers, birth fathers, adopting parents, social workers, and to lawyers in several hundred adoptions.
Since 1983, Mr. Chalke has operated and managed a law firm in Vancouver. This firm has been involved in all aspects of family issues and specializes in the fields of adoption and the resolution of disputes by mediation.
Mr. Chalke is 62 years of age and has been the Executive Director of Sunrise Family Services Society (a British Columbia government licensed adoption agency) since its inception twelve years ago. Mr. Chalke has considerable experience with international adoption and has visited orphanages and government ministries across the world. Mr. Chalke is an administrator with many years experience assisting children to find homes in Canada, and in assessing, educating and approving the families who are going to provide those homes.
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Great Organic Baby Gifts – Holiday Season 2008
Looking for a unique baby present this holiday season?
An organic baby gift may be the perfect answer. Whether you are a new parent or a friend or relative of someone with a newborn, you want your gift to be special. By purchasing a baby gift made with organic materials, you can feel confident that your gift will be safe for the baby to enjoy without any risk of exposure to potentially harmful toxins.
Did you know that traditional cotton is one of the most heavily sprayed crops in the world? Babies are fragile. Their internal systems are still developing so it's best to avoid products that might contain harmful chemicals. Unfortunately, as parents found out last holiday season, you can't always trust that products made for children are actually safe for them.
Benefits of Organic Baby Gifts
Organic products are typically made with certified-organic fibers such as cotton, wool or bamboo that have been grown without the use of toxic chemicals. In short, you won't have to worry about some unknown harmful substance putting you baby at risk. These products are better for humans and better for our environment as well.
So, if you are going to shop for a gift anyway, why not "do good" at the same time! Here are some great eco-friendly gift ideas for the baby in your life.
Organic Cotton Layette
It's a fact. Babies need more clothes than you think. Between spitting up and diaper leaks, babies often end up wearing several outfits in one day. Baby clothes are always a great, practical gift. From onesies to yoga pants to full layettes, you can now find many baby clothes made with organic cotton. Whereas in the past, such clothes were only found in only neutral colors, today's organic baby clothes come in a variety of great-looking vibrant colors created by using eco-friendly, low-impact dyes.
Organic Caps and Socks
Babies aren't able to regulate their body temperatures as efficiently as adults. So, it's important to keep them warm especially during the winter season. Socks and hats can help. Consider buying organic cotton caps and socks to keep baby's head and feet cozy during cold winter days.
Organic Cotton Hooded Towels
Bath time can be a fun activity that many babies learn to enjoy. Spread a little green cheer this year by buying a luxurious organic cotton hooded towel set to help keep baby warm and comfortable once bath time is over.
Organic Cotton Bedding and Blankets
Babies spend a lot of time sleeping, especially during their first year of life. Natural baby bedding can help protect a baby from the harmful effects of allergies, chemical sensitivities, and skin problems that may be caused from exposure to certain fabrics. Put together a gift set of organic cotton sheets and blankets what will keep baby comfortable for a good night's sleep.
Organic Toys
As babies get older, they love to play and learn. However, most parents know that babies put everything in their mouths so it is particularly important that toys given to babies are free of toxins. Consider natural baby toys made organic cotton or wool. There are plush toys, teething toys, teddy bears and more.
Babies are precious and shopping for them can be a lot of fun. Whether you plan to shop online or in a retail store, do a little "green shopping" and consider these practical, eco-friendly baby gifts.
Author Bio: Sheila Baskerville is a website editor and the mother of three. Visit http://www.natural-organic-baby.com to shop online for great organic baby gifts. Free sign up for The Go Natural & Organic Baby! E-zine at http://www.natural-organic-baby.com/go-natural-organic-baby-ezine.html .