By Erin A. Kurt
"You can be patient and wait for me to end my conversation or you can continue and then be put in time-out for 10 minutes. What is your choice?"
When we discipline, why should we pose a choices question like this? By doing this we achieve so many things. The benefits are like a positive Catch 22. Because we do this, that happens, and because that happens, this other positive benefit arises, and so on. One benefit to doing this is that we show respect for them by offering a choice. If we always dictate to our children they will eventually resist in order to gain some sense of control. Even if we pose a limited choice, one thing that they need to do and one thing that will happen if they don't comply, it is still a choice that they will be making.
A second benefit of posing a choices question when you discipline is that you teach self-discipline. Your child will begin to see the cause of the discipline (their behaviour) and the effect of their behaviour (their choice). By allowing them to make a choice they choose whether or not they will modify their behaviour. And if they make a choice to continue doing the negative behaviour and experience the consequence that was posed to them they automatically see that they could have avoided the situation if they chose differently. Of course this takes a bit of practice on their part, but they catch on very quickly.
Once they learn self-discipline, they will benefit in numerous ways. Researchers have found that children who possess self-discipline are more resilient. What does this mean and why is this important? The definition of the word "resilient" is: able to recover quickly from setbacks. This is an incredibly important life skill that every human being needs in order to be fully successful and happy in their lives. The research goes on to show that children who are taught how to be resilient are:
• hopeful
• have high self-worth
• feel special and appreciated
• know how to set realistic goals and expectations for themselves
• have the ability to solve problems and make decisions
• are likely to view mistakes, hardships, and obstacles as challenges to confront rather than stressors to avoid
• they rely on productive coping strategies that foster growth rather than a feeling of defeat
• although aware of their weaknesses, they recognize their strong points and talents
• they are able to define the aspects of their lives they have control over, and focus their energy and attention on these, rather than on factors over which they have little, if any, influence
This is not even the complete list of characteristics of children who are self-disciplined and resilient however, the ones mentioned will provide huge advantages to children in life. And just think - it's simply due to making a choice in how to discipline them.
Erin Kurt is currently the president of Erin Parenting, a company devoted to empowering parents with the tools, training and support they need to create the family life they truly desire. She is also the author of Juggling Family Life: The Only Step-By-Step Guide You'll Need to Create the Family Life You've Always Desired. To learn more about her book and to sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://erinparenting.com/
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